Ecclesiastes 1:9

[stoutfellow]

The words excerpted under the cut were published by Charles Dodgson in 1890.

...The best subject, to begin with, is your friend's last letter. Write with the letter open before you. Answer his questions, and make any remarks his letter suggests. Then go on to what you want to say yourself...

In referring to anything your friend has said in his letter, it is best to quote the exact words, and not to give a summary of them in your words... This is specially necessary when some point has arisen as to which the two correspondents do not quite agree...

[D]on't repeat yourself. When once you have said your say, fully and clearly, on a certain point, and have failed to convince your friend, drop that subject...

[W]hen you have written a letter that you feel may possibly irritate your friend, however necessary you may have felt it to so express yourself, put it aside until the next day. Then read it over again, and fancy it addressed to yourself...

[I]f your friend makes a severe remark, either leave it unnoticed, or make your reply distinctly less severe: and if he makes a friendly remark, tending towards "making up" the little difference that has arisen between you, let your reply be distinctly more friendly...

[D]on't try to have the last word!... Never mind how telling a rejoinder you leave unuttered: never mind your friend's supposing that you are silent from lack of anything to say: let the thing drop, as soon as it is possible without discourtesy...

[I]f it should ever occur to you to write, jestingly, in dispraise of your friend, be sure you exaggerate enough to make the jesting obvious: a word spoken in jest, but taken as earnest, may lead to very serious consequences...

Sound familiar?

Comments

[carbonelle.livejournal.com]

[I]f your friend makes a severe remark, either leave it unnoticed, or make your reply distinctly less severe: and if he makes a friendly remark, tending towards "making up" the little difference that has arisen between you, let your reply be distinctly more friendly...

No, that one doesn't. But it's excellent advice

***takes to heart***

[filkferengi]

It sounds rather like some of the better meta discussions on the Bujold list, which might be what our learned friend is alluding to.

[stoutfellow.livejournal.com]

Yah. There, and elsewhere online.

[carbonelle.livejournal.com]

In which case: very true!

[xinef.livejournal.com]

The world would be a lot more pleasant if folks would take those rules to heart, not just for written correspondence (by which I include email, blogs, etc), but also for verbal interactions.