Oops...

Some records just aren't meant to be broken.

Solicitations

A few words of advice for those who want me to give them money, gratis or in exchange for goods and services:

• Sending me a letter whose envelope does not identify the sender is not likely to win my goodwill. Placing the name of your organization on the flap is only marginally acceptable.


• The words "Please Do Not Discard", placed on the envelope, are counterproductive.


• If you put coins, pencils, mailing labels, or cheap bric-a-brac in the envelope, I will accept the gift. This is, however, more likely to hurt than help your chances with me.


• If you choose to call me at home, be advised that I have caller ID, and will not respond to "TOLL FREE CALL", much less to "UNKNOWN CALLER". Such labels as "OUTREACH ASSOC", though somewhat intriguing, are also insufficiently informative.


• In calling me, you are intruding on my privacy. If I pick up the phone, I expect, as a courtesy, that there will be a human being on the other end. I do not talk or listen to robots. Having one person monitoring several lines at once is not sufficient; if my "Hello" is not answered in less than one second, I will hang up.


• I do not own a car. I do not drive. I have never entered, nor ever shall enter, a drawing in which the chief prize is an automobile or truck. No one who knows me will ever do so on my behalf, either. If you tell me that someone did, you are wrong, either factually or ethically, and possibly both. Consider yourself lucky, in that case, if I do no more than hang up.


• The fact that I bought a book by Bill O'Reilly for my niece (at her request) one Christmas does not imply that I am interested in buying books by Anne Coulter, nor that I will of my own choice give money to the Republican National Committee or any organization allied to it.


• "No" means "No". "No" said twice means "Time to quit." "How many times must I say no?" means "Get the hell off my phone line."

Have a nice day.